


I'm So Scared That I'll Never (Get Put Back Together)

by owlways_and_forever



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Black Family Drama (Harry Potter), Dysfunctional Family, F/M, Family Drama, Lashing Out, Minor Violence, Running Away
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-08
Updated: 2020-04-08
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:15:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28488150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/owlways_and_forever/pseuds/owlways_and_forever
Summary: After he leaves Grimmauld Place, Sirius is just so... angry.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Marlene McKinnon
Collections: All For You





	I'm So Scared That I'll Never (Get Put Back Together)

**Author's Note:**

> For Anna, April quarantine gift fic

_Blood traitor. Worthless. Alone. Unloved._

His father’s words echoed through his mind as he stalked down the sidewalk, anger seething. He’d gone to the Leaky Cauldron initially, but Tom had kicked him out when he felt like Sirius had had enough to drink.

_Go home, Black. Sober up._

Little did Tom know, Sirius didn’t have a home anymore. Probably never would again, if his father had his way. Orion Black was going to have Sirius barred from every reputable place in wizarding society before long. Not that he cared, Sirius greatly preferred the less illustrious places anyway.

Sirius felt a surge of hatred and the urge to be destructive. He turned down a dark little alley, and immediately began kicking the trash cans standing outside. It wasn’t enough though. The trash cans couldn’t feel pain, and Sirius wanted _someone_ to hurt. Really, he wanted his parents to hurt, but he couldn’t make that happen. Frustrated, Sirius punched the brick wall. 

A delicious burst of pain tickled his nerves, and the corners of his mouth twitched up in an expression almost akin to a smile. He punched the wall again, feeling the endorphins flood his body. The brick tore at his skin, but it didn’t stop him. Even as blood began to bloom across his knuckles and smear against the wall.

“Sirius.”

He heard her voice somewhere deep in the recesses of his mind, but it didn’t register as real. It blended with the other voices echoing in his head - his father, his mother, Regulus… even Professor McGonagall made an appearance, telling him his grades weren’t up to snuff and his behaviour was disappointing. So many people throughout his life telling him that it wasn’t enough. That _he_ wasn’t enough.

A light touch brushed against his shoulder, and Sirius reeled instinctively. He swung, and he felt the crack of bone. Heels clicked against the pavement as she staggered backwards. Sirius blinked and his vision cleared from the seething red rage that had been consuming him.

Marlene stood in front of him, fingers delicately touching her cheekbone, where the skin had split and blood was oozing down her tanned skin. If it wasn’t for his blood smeared across her cheek, he wouldn’t have believed it. But the proof was undeniable.

_Shit._

“Mar,” he said, his voice choked and raspy.

She pulled her hand away from her face, eyed the blood on her fingertips, and looked up at Sirius with horror. Her eyebrows were furrowed, and he could see the hurt in her eyes. He knew how bad this was.

“I’m sorry,” he pleaded, taking a tentative step closer to her. “Please, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, I didn’t realize you were there, I didn’t know it was you. I’m sorry.”

But Sirius couldn’t take anything slowly, and rushed toward her, reaching toward her face in the hopes that his touch could somehow make things better. He was wrong.

Marlene backed away, shaking her head at him, tears welling in her eyes. As they fell, rolling down her cheeks, Sirius knew they were burning in the cut that he had left. He felt like they were burning him.

“I’m sorry,” he repeated, his voice barely above a whisper.

She closed her eyes and turned away, disapparating into the night sky. Sirius swore loudly and punched the wall some more, until he felt the bones in his hand cracking and crumbling beneath the force of it.

He had fucked up. Again.


End file.
